When i saw these words this morning
I took a deep breath and exhaled all the
"ness" that has been going on this month.
there are FIVE days until the wedding (whoop whoop!!)
and in between all the planning my life has been chock full of
happiness, sadness, anger, and numbness.
I think the blog world is the most fantastic venture I have dipped my toe in.
But, this world can be very deceiving.
You can click through pages and pages of magical images that
reflect what you aspire to be and then hours later
(usually around dinner/bed time)
you finally log off and realize that all of the visuals that stimulated your senses do not exist in your real world and you are suddenly left feeling empty,
jealous, and disappointed.
Then a shallow feeling washes over you for letting frivolity
control your emotions so much.
But there is so much more to blogging and
there is so much more to life THAN blogging
if you are willing to accept the challenge to living life as opposed to watching other people live theirs.
Know that there are actual people behind blogs. Not photo stills.
I try really hard to remain personable and very transparent amidst
the images that are posted.
I think it is important for people understand that life goes on and on and takes drastic turns for EVERYONE not just non-bloggers.
This is difficult for me to discuss, but no one ever talks about it and I have a feeling that it is way more common than the world leads on.
I have been taking longer breaks between blogging and have put my shoppe on vacation to focus on me. Wedding planning included. And about a month ago I found out that I was expecting my second child. Insert whirlwind. I had been wanting another child as I caught baby fever and I thought it was time for Chloe my mini to have a playmate before she got use to being the center of attention.
We were trying per say, it was more of a surprise.
I am a control freak/perfectionist, which goes to say that I don't fair well with surprises.
but this was a lovely one I was certainly willing to accept.
As we planned the wedding (planner not included) i grew more and more tired
which is the worst side effect for a workaholic. And I could fight it well. So a big pause was placed on my life so i could channel my energy properly.
All seemed normal until my first OB appointment when I was told I was only 6-7 weeks. I had assumed I was further along, but the body does whatever it wants. They said they wanted to keep watch and have me return in a week for a follow up.
Let me tell you a week passing can change your life forever.
Exactly a week later, I gave birth to my 7-8 week old baby on my bathroom floor...
i am not interested in using the word miscarriage as the connotation is very dismissive to the fact that
there was an unsuccessful delivery of the mini i was carrying.
Obviously the baby didn't survive, but I can't say that the entire experience was unsuccessful.
Not just as a woman, but as a human, I am emotional torn and exhausted.
Yet I am so much stronger than I ever thought I could be to be able to wake up the follow day with so much thanks in my heart and love for my family for walking this out with me.
I feel as though without the consolation of my friends and family and my faith, I would be a puddled mess.
I know that many women in this arena stress the importance of privacy, but I think it is also important to allow your readers/viewers to know that life happens to you too.
That in no way, shape, or form are we exempted from travesties and heartbreak and only given
great hair, shoes, and campaign opportunities.
If you are going through a loss, a death, or have experienced a similar situation, please know and understand that, though i don't know you personally, you are not alone and surely don't have to be.
As women, we are bonded in so many ways by default that has nothing to do with circumstantial grievances, but by just knowing that the greatest release is taking your bra off at the end off the day.
Learn to be the best YOU and let go of the rest that you have no control of.