WORRY WART

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Our enemy is not lack of preparation; it’s not the difficulty of the project, or the state of the marketplace, or the emptiness of our bank account. The enemy is resistance. The enemy is our chattering brain, which, if we give it so much as a nanosecond, will start producing excuses, alibis, transparent self-justifications, and a million reasons why he can’t/shouldn’t/won’t do what we know we need to do. --discovered here

 The last 9 months have been...a doozy. While, I have been fortunate enough to stay at home during my pregnancy and in tangent, work on the development of my business, I feel as though it was a full 9 months of time that wasn't used properly.  I can attribute the majority of those sentiments to sincere feelings of lethargy and grossness from the pregnancy. But a lot of time "wasted" came from fear that I talked myself into.  Now coming from the rigidity of art & design school, I definitely have developed long lasting pattern of over working & cramming until I physically can't muster up the breath to continue. I can say I apply a heavy amount of pressure on myself to achieve A, B, & C, when it might not be necessary. So my scale of work versus not working versus laziness is slightly skewed.

But, yes...I talked myself into not completing projects, answering emails, creating new items or just plain old growing out of fear of losing/winning/wadding or all of the above.  I would concoct excuses that were so ridiculously unnecessary and so obviously...stupid (for lack of better words) that now that I have regain all my energy and lust for life back, I scoff at my, dare I say it, laziness. 

And that is exactly what it subconsciously transformed into, without me speaking it aloud, but simply practicing the shrug off, the eye roll, the anxiety, the procrastination... nothing was more important or therapeutic than a nap. Ugh writing that makes me feel terrible, but it was and is still slightly my truth.

So as I am in the healing stage of my post-partum journey and staying off my feet is a must,  I am working on rehabbing my thought processes.  Weeding out the need for Z's and couch sessions and mustering up a list of tangible goals that won't scare me under the covers. Literally.  No not resolutions, but practices that will and HAVE TO actually stand firm and take root in my life. Bear with me as I, and possibly this and other platforms evolve. Besides, would it technically be a blog/business/life if it remained the same?

--Kel